By some technical definitions, I am considered a single mom. However, I leave this open to interpretation. I am blessed enough to have joint custody of my beautiful little girl and we co-parent quite well. My daughter's father is a kind man and an incredible father, for which I am utterly grateful for and overjoyed that my daughter can be showered with unconditional love. While our marriage may not have worked out as planned, at least we can remain friends.
It has taken me almost four years to realize that I actually enjoy being single. There are quite a few reasons why I even prefer it (most of the time). I get a whole bed to myself. I get to watch chick flicks without judgment or complaints. I can eat ice cream in my sweat pants without worrying about being bloated the next day. I don't necessary NEED to shave my legs for someone else. I don't have to coordinate schedules. I can choose where I want to eat. I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness except my daughter's, which is a benefit really.
The first few months following the divorce were the hardest. I sought gratification and reassurance from others. I wanted to know that I was still enjoyable to be around and hopefully still somewhat attractive. I think most women want to feel at least a little desired, right? Luckily, life taught me some lessons. Ones I was not necessarily interested in learning at the time. When I was dating a guy and he told me I was "wife material" and not "girlfriend material", I was slightly offended at first. I soon realized that it was something to be prideful in instead of insulted by. Words meant to run me off helped me find out who I was again. I would rather be known for my thoughtfulness, dedication, and selflessness than for my looks or how fun I could be. I am not like most other girls my age. I do not enjoy going out to the bars and I would rather have a nice game night in with family and friends. I am not one to put on a show for others or lower my expectations.
Today, I walk to a different tune. I do not need the approval of others. I am confident in myself. I currently hold a Bachelor in Psychology and a minor in Criminal Justice. I am pursuing a Master's degree in Marriage & Family Therapy. I have such a great relationship with my daughter and I am lucky enough to continue creating memories with her. I am close with my family and have their support and advice whenever I need a little boost. I treat myself to movie dates because I have no issues going to see a movie alone. However, I do miss companionship at times. I miss being able to tell someone how my day was or hearing a compliment from someone other than my family from time to time, but I don't miss it enough to make dating a priority.
Dating takes time and commitment. Two things that I don't have to spare. Here is why dating is such a big commitment:
You have to keep up on appearances. While I do enjoy pampering, I do not look forward to wearing makeup on a daily basis or looking great in the hottest fashions. I am very much a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl and dread the thought of actually being completely put together every morning. I have a hard enough time getting myself and my daughter ready for the day. It would be even more difficult to make sure that I am shaved, have makeup on, have my hair done, and am wearing a presentable outfit before I leave the house. Sleep is far too precious to sacrifice right now.
You forego other plans to make time for dates. You mean you actually have to get to know someone? This is one of the hardest parts about dating in my opinion. I usually use my spare time to binge watch Netflix, catch up on shopping, get a yoga class in at the gym, or just enjoy a day at the pool. I have a hard enough time juggling my regular routine to even consider finding an ideal day that corresponds with someone else's schedule. I have my daughter half of the time. I go to school and work full time. I also need to keep health a priority. This doesn't leave me much time to really get to know people fairly.
Some dates can be a waste of time. While I am not saying that all dates are a waste, I am saying that some potential suitors are really looking for someone to hook up with and cannot be mature for longer than five minutes. I have a daughter. She will always be my first priority. I don't expect all guys to simply understand my commitment to my daughter comes before date night, but I would hope that they would at least consider what this can show: I am a great mother, I invest in my family, I am committed and loyal, and I know how to cook a meal or two. To most guys, I am just seen as a potential hook-up that is still in the partying stage that happens to have a daughter. What they don't know is that I would rather spend my time playing with my daughter than them. If I wanted to date an immature guy, I could just start attending frat parties. I am looking for someone who not only treats me like a queen, but is willing to treat my daughter like a princess as well. I want to be able to share in family time. If they are not okay with that, it is most likely a waste of my time.
You actually have to get out there. I am a homebody by nature. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I hardly ever make plans to go out. I don't usually turn down an invite to get out of the house though. I have a small circle of friends, almost all of which are married, engaged, or in a long-term relationship. I am the lonesome single lady. I also cannot expect my future husband to simply show up at my front door and sweep me off my feet. This means I have to go out of my comfort zone and actually meet people. I don't fit in when I go to a bar (I'm not really a big drinker). There are not many potential matches at yoga class (I enjoy the benefits of yoga, but something tells me I'm not as big on meditation as some of the male participants). My friends typically hang out with other married couples (and don't typically have a male third wheel for me to chat with). Online dating is not my thing..... as I've mentioned in another post.
I have accepted the fact that I may stay single for my whole life, but that wouldn't be the end of the world. I would have time to invest in myself, my daughter, and my family. I would have time to do the hobbies that I want to do. I do not have to appease others. I am more confident in myself as a person than I have been in my whole life. Being single is not a curse or something to feel sorry for. It is an opportunity to appreciate life and its freedom. So, for now I will just enjoy every aspect of it and maybe consider letting the right person into my life if or when an opportunity presents itself. Until then, I will just live my life how I want to.
It has taken me almost four years to realize that I actually enjoy being single. There are quite a few reasons why I even prefer it (most of the time). I get a whole bed to myself. I get to watch chick flicks without judgment or complaints. I can eat ice cream in my sweat pants without worrying about being bloated the next day. I don't necessary NEED to shave my legs for someone else. I don't have to coordinate schedules. I can choose where I want to eat. I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness except my daughter's, which is a benefit really.
The first few months following the divorce were the hardest. I sought gratification and reassurance from others. I wanted to know that I was still enjoyable to be around and hopefully still somewhat attractive. I think most women want to feel at least a little desired, right? Luckily, life taught me some lessons. Ones I was not necessarily interested in learning at the time. When I was dating a guy and he told me I was "wife material" and not "girlfriend material", I was slightly offended at first. I soon realized that it was something to be prideful in instead of insulted by. Words meant to run me off helped me find out who I was again. I would rather be known for my thoughtfulness, dedication, and selflessness than for my looks or how fun I could be. I am not like most other girls my age. I do not enjoy going out to the bars and I would rather have a nice game night in with family and friends. I am not one to put on a show for others or lower my expectations.
Today, I walk to a different tune. I do not need the approval of others. I am confident in myself. I currently hold a Bachelor in Psychology and a minor in Criminal Justice. I am pursuing a Master's degree in Marriage & Family Therapy. I have such a great relationship with my daughter and I am lucky enough to continue creating memories with her. I am close with my family and have their support and advice whenever I need a little boost. I treat myself to movie dates because I have no issues going to see a movie alone. However, I do miss companionship at times. I miss being able to tell someone how my day was or hearing a compliment from someone other than my family from time to time, but I don't miss it enough to make dating a priority.
Dating takes time and commitment. Two things that I don't have to spare. Here is why dating is such a big commitment:
You have to keep up on appearances. While I do enjoy pampering, I do not look forward to wearing makeup on a daily basis or looking great in the hottest fashions. I am very much a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl and dread the thought of actually being completely put together every morning. I have a hard enough time getting myself and my daughter ready for the day. It would be even more difficult to make sure that I am shaved, have makeup on, have my hair done, and am wearing a presentable outfit before I leave the house. Sleep is far too precious to sacrifice right now.
You forego other plans to make time for dates. You mean you actually have to get to know someone? This is one of the hardest parts about dating in my opinion. I usually use my spare time to binge watch Netflix, catch up on shopping, get a yoga class in at the gym, or just enjoy a day at the pool. I have a hard enough time juggling my regular routine to even consider finding an ideal day that corresponds with someone else's schedule. I have my daughter half of the time. I go to school and work full time. I also need to keep health a priority. This doesn't leave me much time to really get to know people fairly.
Some dates can be a waste of time. While I am not saying that all dates are a waste, I am saying that some potential suitors are really looking for someone to hook up with and cannot be mature for longer than five minutes. I have a daughter. She will always be my first priority. I don't expect all guys to simply understand my commitment to my daughter comes before date night, but I would hope that they would at least consider what this can show: I am a great mother, I invest in my family, I am committed and loyal, and I know how to cook a meal or two. To most guys, I am just seen as a potential hook-up that is still in the partying stage that happens to have a daughter. What they don't know is that I would rather spend my time playing with my daughter than them. If I wanted to date an immature guy, I could just start attending frat parties. I am looking for someone who not only treats me like a queen, but is willing to treat my daughter like a princess as well. I want to be able to share in family time. If they are not okay with that, it is most likely a waste of my time.
You actually have to get out there. I am a homebody by nature. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I hardly ever make plans to go out. I don't usually turn down an invite to get out of the house though. I have a small circle of friends, almost all of which are married, engaged, or in a long-term relationship. I am the lonesome single lady. I also cannot expect my future husband to simply show up at my front door and sweep me off my feet. This means I have to go out of my comfort zone and actually meet people. I don't fit in when I go to a bar (I'm not really a big drinker). There are not many potential matches at yoga class (I enjoy the benefits of yoga, but something tells me I'm not as big on meditation as some of the male participants). My friends typically hang out with other married couples (and don't typically have a male third wheel for me to chat with). Online dating is not my thing..... as I've mentioned in another post.
I have accepted the fact that I may stay single for my whole life, but that wouldn't be the end of the world. I would have time to invest in myself, my daughter, and my family. I would have time to do the hobbies that I want to do. I do not have to appease others. I am more confident in myself as a person than I have been in my whole life. Being single is not a curse or something to feel sorry for. It is an opportunity to appreciate life and its freedom. So, for now I will just enjoy every aspect of it and maybe consider letting the right person into my life if or when an opportunity presents itself. Until then, I will just live my life how I want to.